Levels Of Exposure (Distortion Series Book 2) Read online

  Lexie dropped back into the seat beside her mother’s bed with a sigh and took a swig of the coffee. She couldn’t help but cringe as the bitter flavour hit her tongue.

  “Does it taste that bad?”

  Lexie looked up at her mother awake beside her. “Mom.” Lexie smiled and reached for her hand. “It tastes so bad but I can’t stop drinking it. I think this is my eighth cup since we got here.”

  Her mother smiled peacefully. “You should try these drugs they gave me, much better than caffeine.”

  “I bet.” Lexie laughed but it quickly died away. “I was worried about you.”

  “Worrying is my job,” her mother responded.

  “Not this time,” Lexie said, rubbing her mother’s hand. “The nurse told me that the surgery went as good as to be expected and you are on your way to a full recovery.”

  “See, it’s not that easy to get rid of me,” her mother offered lightly. Even though her mother looked exhausted, she could see her bright light shine through. The sight brought her immeasurable relief.

  “There has been something I have been meaning to ask you. Actually there are lots,” Lexie confessed.

  “I assumed you would have many questions.” Her mother wrapped her fingers around Lexie’s hand and pulled her closer. “Lay down with me.”

  Lexie hesitantly crawled up on the side of the bed and gently laid down on her side next to her mother as to not to disturb her injuries.

  “This is better,” her mother sighed. “Now ask your questions.”

  “If your last name is really Connors, where did Wilder come from?”

  Her mother was quiet for a moment in a thoughtful way. “How much of my diary did you read?”

  “Almost all of it,” Lexie admitted guiltily.

  “Then you know who Dylan was?” her mother asked.

  “Yes.”

  “It was his last name. Dylan Wilder, the man that my heart still loves with every beat,” her mother confessed sadly. Lexie wiped a tear away from her mother’s face. “He would have loved you, Lexie. He would have been the father you needed.”

  “You were all I ever needed, Mom.”

  They remained in a comfortable silence as they held each other. There were so many things to talk about but Lexie just wanted to enjoy this moment. The memory of her wondering if this would be possible again still lingered in her thoughts. She had come too close to losing her mother.

  “What’s this?” her mother asked, pulling on the corner of the envelope sticking out of her pocket.

  Lexie pulled it out and held it up for them to see. The edges were worn and the paper wrinkled from carrying it around with her. “John gave it to me. It is the results of the paternity test he made me take…” Lexie trailed off as her mother remained quiet. “I can’t bring myself to open it.”

  “Then don’t, Lexie,” her mother said. “It doesn’t change anything.”

  The door opened and Jackson walked into the room. The sight of him was like a punch to the senses. It was as if she was suddenly dosed in a potent cocktail of fear, anger, and excitement, and the effect left her reeling in confusion. Lexie tucked the envelope back into her pocket and slowly crawled off the bed.

  “How are you feeling, Mary?” Jackson asked.

  “Please call me Beth. I left Mary in the past a long time ago. I am tired and sore but alive,” she offered politely.

  Jackson nodded respectfully. “Hopefully I’m not intruding, but I wanted to tell Lexie I got her a room at the motel across the street so she could get some sleep.”

  Lexie shook her head at the same time her mother replied. “That is a wonderful idea.”

  Lexie looked at her mother. “I’m not leaving you,” she said stubbornly.

  “You look exhausted, Lexie, and you’re still covered in blood. A little rest and a shower will do you good. I’ll still be here when you come back,” her mother said softly. The dark circles under her mother’s eyes seemed to have darkened substantially in the last few minutes, indicating how tired she really was. “I’m just going to sleep anyway.”

  Lexie looked down at her stomach where her mother’s blood still stained the material. She wiped at it with her hand and realized how much she wanted to change so she didn’t have the reminder of what could have happened. Lexie took a deep sigh. “I won’t be long.”

  “Promise me to get some sleep in an actual bed before you come back here, Lexie.”

  Lexie leaned in and kissed her mother on the forehead. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you too, Baby Girl.” Her mother smiled brightly.

  “When this is all over I’ll help you plant a ton of new flowers in the garden just like we used to,” Lexie said brightly.

  “Sounds wonderful.” Her mother smiled. “I will look forward to it.”

  “One of my guys will be outside this door if you need anything, Beth,” Jackson offered.

  “Thank you.”

  Lexie offered her mother one last smile before she slipped out the door. Dane was standing next to a man she didn’t recognize. She assumed it was the stranger that she had seen when they had left the hotel but she was too panicked by her mother’s condition to remember any details about him.

  “Lexie, this is Nate. He’s gonna take over so Dane can get some rest,” Jackson introduced. “He’s an old friend of mine.”

  “Hi Nate,” Lexie offered politely but she still felt a little numb, and it was hard to act normal under the conditions.

  “It’s a pleasure.” Nate smiled brightly.

  Lexie began walking toward the elevator when she felt Jackson’s hand on her shoulder guiding her. She felt unfocused from reality in her exhausted state. Everything blurred together and she fought to stay focused.

  When the elevator doors closed, Jackson and Dane both looked at her like she was going to break.

  “I’m okay,” she insisted. “Stop looking at me like you expect me to burst into tears.”

  “After sleeping in those shitty chairs, I’m about to burst into tears,” Dane said, trying to work out the kinks in his neck.

  Lexie looked up at Jackson and was surprised to see so much concern behind his dark eyes. She looked away quickly because the swell of emotion that hit her really did threaten to bring tears. She was still angry at him for betraying her and also extremely grateful to him for saving her and her mother. She was overwhelmed with the war between her mind and her heart and didn’t know if she could really trust Jackson, even though she knew she had to. The only thing she knew for certain was Jackson had claimed more of her heart than she intended. If she was honest with herself, she understood why he did what he did. If she had been in his shoes she would have probably done the same.

  “I bought us some more time. Evan will be fine.” Jackson tentatively touched her arm but then pulled away. He seemed unsure of how to act around her. It was the first time she noticed him being unsure about anything and it surprised her.

  Lexie nodded her head. “And Steph?”

  “Teddy is working on it.”

  Lexie took a deep shaky breath. “There is still hope. We are gonna find her, right?” Lexie looked up pleadingly at Jackson.

  “Yeah, Lexie, we’ll find her.”

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-SIX

  Jackson

  “After you.” Jackson swung the door open to the motel room and waited for Lexie to enter. She walked in and looked around the space until her eyes settled on her purse and her black duffle bag that held her clothes, toiletries, and a large quantity of cash she had shoved inside.

  Lexie picked up her purse and pulled out her camera. He could see the visible difference in her shoulders as they relaxed as she ran her fingers over the buttons and turned it on. Jackson remembered watching her take pictures that first day at the cottage. Something beautiful happened when she looked at the world through her lens, she could see things no one else could. She became captivated by the beauty around her and he could see nothing but her.

  Le
xie turned around and looked at him through her camera and he looked back at her, wondering what she saw when she looked at him. Did she see the dark, broken man that he was? Did she see his regret that he wore like a heavy weight upon his shoulders? Did she see that he was incapable of walking away from her like he should? Did she see that he wanted her so much if physically hurt him?

  She took a picture and lowered the camera, watching him with a closed expression. He wanted to know what she was thinking but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He knew it was only a matter of time until she revealed her anger toward him. He could see it brewing behind those emotion filled eyes. It was like a beautiful calm before the storm.

  Jackson scratched the back of his neck. “Did John hurt you?” He saw the storm arrive when he looked into her eyes.

  “Did John hurt me? What about the person who lied to me and planned to hurt my mother and me? Maybe John is the only reason I’m still alive right now.”

  “Lexie, I would never―”

  “Wouldn’t you? I have no idea what you are really capable of.” Lexie cut off his words. “What changed? Why are you even here?”

  “Because of you,” Jackson answered honestly. He was reaching inside a part of him that was a complete stranger to him. His emotions were like trying to read a foreign language and he was scrambling to make sense of them.

  “Me? Me?” Lexie said angrily. She stomped toward him like a raging storm. “Do you actually feel guilty, you heartless bastard?” When she was close enough, she wound up and slapped him across the face. The sting of it burned across his skin and he welcomed it. “Do you want to hurt me more?” Lexie continued to hit him and he let her land every blow as she worked through the anger that burned a hole deep inside her. He knew he deserved her hatred.

  When her assault slowed, her anger melted into tears, and her fight dissipated. Jackson reached for her and pulled her close as he wrapped his arms around her. She tried to push him away but he wouldn’t let her. “Listen to me, Lexie. I’m sorry I hurt you. It’s something that I will regret for as long as I live, but it was before I knew the truth. I’m here with you now because I’m doing everything in my power to make it right. I can’t make you believe me, but I will get you your life back. I will make this right for you.” Jackson looked into her tear-soaked eyes.

  “I don’t know what right is anymore.” Lexie shook her head in confusion. “I don’t think it can ever be right again.”

  “That won’t stop me from trying.” Jackson offered a gentle smile as he brushed her tear away from her cheek with a gentle stroke of his thumb.

  Lexie nodded her head and wiped her eyes. “I’m going to take a shower,” she whispered. She stepped back from Jackson and he let his hands fall away. He watched her pick up her bag off the bed and walk toward the bathroom.

  “Should I go?” Jackson asked, unsure of what she needed from him.

  Lexie placed her hand on the door frame and looked back over her shoulder. “Can you stay?”

  “Yes,” Jackson replied, surprised by her request. She closed the door and he collapsed into the armchair next to the bed and listened to the sound of the shower turn on. He leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. He wanted to take a moment to enjoy the relief that they had dealt with some of the tension between them. It was hard to focus, knowing that she was furious with him. He couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted more, but he would take whatever she gave him. The more time that passed, the harder it was to convince himself that he needed to create distance between them, not encourage a relationship of any kind. His actions did not correlate to his ultimate goal, being he was supposed to walk away when this was all over.

  Jackson raked his hands down his face in frustration. He was kidding himself if he thought he could still leave her after this was all done. He never wanted to remember what life was like without her again. She was hope that warmed his battered soul, something he never thought he would have.

  Jackson sat up when Lexie walked out of the bathroom. She offered an unsure expression. She looked as if she felt as tormented as he felt, pulled in so many directions he was threatened to be pulled apart. He wondered why now in this time in his life that he would be thrown this curve ball that would completely uproot his whole outlook.

  Lexie dropped her bag and the envelope he had seen her staring at slid across the floor. She noticed it as well but didn’t move to pick it up. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at it like she was hoping it would disappear.

  “What is it?” Jackson asked, looking up at her pouted lips and solemn expression.

  “It’s from John,” she whispered. Lexie ran her fingers through her damp hair nervously. She was wearing the same sundress she had worn the first day he had seen her at the cottage as she wandered through the trees taking pictures.

  “A part of me needs to know what it says, but another part of me can’t stand the thought, so I just keep staring at it, unsure of what will happen if I open it.” Lexie finally looked away from the rectangle of paper and up at Jackson.

  “What will it possibly change?” he asked curiously.

  “Everything and nothing, I guess. I’m scared and I need a drink.” Lexie rubbed her forehead.

  “That’s an easy fix.” Jackson offered her a smile and walked over to the bar fridge. He opened it up. “What’s your poison?”

  “Aren’t those little bottles insanely expensive?” Lexie asked, looking at the collection of different labels lined up in the door of the fridge.

  “When the situation calls for it, does it really matter?” Jackson grabbed two bottles of whiskey and held one out for Lexie. She looked at it curiously before taking it from him. Jackson sat down next to her on the bed and snapped the cover of his and tipped it to his lips before he glanced over at Lexie. She watched him hesitantly as she unscrewed the cover and brought it to her nose.

  “It smells disgusting,” Lexie complained.

  “It tastes worse.” Jackson frowned as he tossed his empty bottle into the small garbage bin across the room.

  “Then why do you drink it?”

  “I love the rush as it heats my blood.” Jackson raised his brow.

  Lexie became quiet and looked down at the bottle in her hand. “I know that feeling,” Lexie whispered. “That’s what it was like when I was with you.”

  Jackson was surprised that she brought up the history between them. He thought it would be a topic to avoid after what had happened.

  “Lex…” Jackson started but she held up her hand to stop him and tipped the bottle to her lips, swallowing the amber colored fluid inside. She covered her mouth and struggled to swallow the harsh liquid before proceeding to cough.

  When she collected herself, she looked up at him with watering eyes. “That was horrendous,” Lexie protested with a gasp. “You made that look so much better than it deserved.”

  “You are better than I deserve,” Jackson admitted, looking into her eyes and holding them as long as he could.

  “How does nothing ever scare you?” she asked, a small crease forming between her brows. Jackson got the urge to press his lips against the spot. He wanted to taste every part of her and savour her always.

  “What makes you think nothing scares me?” Jackson asked, his gaze dropping to the small frown that had formed on her full lips. They had a soft sheen from running her tongue along them.

  “The way you face everything like you know you will win,” Lexie said as she reached up and adjusted the small strap on her shoulder. Jackson couldn’t help but follow her movements as he took in her soft skin that smelled of soap and the scent that he had begun to crave upon all else.

  “I’m scared right now,” Jackson whispered.

  Lexie tilted her head in disbelief. “No, you’re not.”

  “I am.” He frowned as he reached for the bottle still in her hand. He let his fingers linger on hers before he took the bottle and finished if off. He tossed it into the garbage with the other.
/>   “Why?” Lexie tested him.

  “You absolutely terrify me,” Jackson admitted.

  “I don’t believe you.” Lexie shook her head with a laugh, like she thought he was teasing her.

  “Here,” Jackson took her hand and placed it against his chest. Her warm hand pressed upon his skin and he knew she could feel his racing heart. Jackson closed his eyes as she spread her fingers that slipped between the buttons of his shirt and grazed his bare flesh.

  “I’m scared too.” Lexie pulled her hand away. “I’m scared that once we leave this room everything will change.”

  Jackson immediately missed her touch. She walked over to the fridge and grabbed another bottle. She didn’t even look at the label before twisting off the top and tipping it up to her lips and squeezing her eyes shut. When the bottle was empty, she gasped and covered her mouth. “So gross,” she complained, and tried tossing it into the garbage but it missed and hit the wall. Jackson only shook his head and laughed when she grabbed another and did the same.

  “Slow down or you will make yourself sick,” Jackson offered.

  “I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about anything. I just want you to make me feel how you used to.”

  Lexie grabbed the hem of her dress and slowly pulled it up over her curves and over her head. Jackson’s whole body tensed to the point of breaking as he looked at her standing in front of him with nothing but lacy blue underwear. His body temperature spiked to the point that his clothes felt suffocating.

  Her fair skin curved and dipped like a piece of art. Her full round breasts were peaked with pale, puckered nipples that made his mouth water, knowing how sweet she tasted. Scared didn’t even begin to describe how she made him feel.

  Jackson pushed off the bed but didn’t move any closer as he searched her eyes for answers.

  “I’m tired of being scared of everything, Jackson,” Lexie admitted as she reached for his hand and lifted it against her chest. She pressed his fingers into the soft flesh of her breasts. He could feel the fast thrumming of her heart.